A year ago today life as we knew changed forever. Cancer entered our Sophia's life and things got really scary, real fast. I cant believe how fast time has gone and how much our little Sophia has endured. I wish I could go back to myself when she got diagnosed and tell me that everything was going to be all right. I wish i could console myself and tell me not to worry. I remember crying everyday, every morning when they would come poke her, and every evening when she was sleeping. I always had heard of or knew a person that had cancer but never did i ever think it would hit so close to home, my home. The natural thing to do was to ask myself where did it go wrong, how could this have happened, Could I have done anything to have kept cancer from entering her little body, but with praying i quickly answered myself, No, and I may never know. So I continue to trust in our God. Along with the many tears that came this year there were also plenty of smiles, laughs, and silliness going on. Im thankful for the new friendships Ive gained out of this journey and I cant wait to be able to tell Sophia all about it one day. To tell her of all the people that were cheering her on with prayers and well wishes and to tell her of all the other cancer warriors that fought right along side her. She never has once fought alone. I am the proudest mom to one very special little girl. My Sophia is the biggest fighter ever. She is much more stronger then I ever was and She makes cancer look good while kicking its butt at the same time. She is the best big sister one can have, if you don't believe me just ask Sam and he'll tell you! My little Samuel, he is truly heaven sent, one day he will know just how brave his big sis was and he will have a great story to tell people about how big of a fight his sister can handle. I will also tell him how good of a baby he was and how loving he was, especially to his Sophia, as we went through this journey with her. God knew what he was doing when we didn't know. I was 5 months pregnant with Sam when Sophia was diagnosed and i was just beside myself. There I was pregnant trying not to cry in front of Sophia and trying not to cry cause I thought it would hurt Sam but sometimes you just cant keep it in. I was with Sophia for her procedures, being with her through chemo, and Going through ups and downs when I was supposed to be getting ready for Sams big arrival, but instead I wasn't. How can I have a newborn at home and my other kid really really sick. Both needed my undivided attention. How could life be doing that to me? More importantly her? It just wasn't fair but As soon as he was born things unraveled fast in a good way. I believe he has a part in how hard she fights. After all he's been there from the beginning. When Sophia and I were all alone In her hospital room I often forgot I was pregnant with everything going on but Sam had been there all along too and Maybe just maybe thats why he's such a good baby because somehow he understands. My little Sam brought smiles to Sophia's face when no one else could. He let her cuddle with him and enjoyed it. Thats why I say God knew what He was doing when we didn't and thats why my faith is so strong because I see Gods loving kindness time and time again and I could never pay Him back to the fullest and yet He still Shows his mercies daily to us. I am blessed with some pretty amazing kids. My kids are my world and I am thankful that God allows me to see a hint of how much He loves us through me loving my kids. I could never thank those of you who helped us out enough, emotionally, financially, with things we needed, and just being there with us. We love you guys for that. Its nice to see people coming together for our Sophia. Im also very thankful for my family. Without them things would be harder. Without my parents my hubby and I wouldn't have been able to still go out, when we found time, and just be husband and wife amidst all that was going on. My parents raised Sam while Sophia was hospitalized so with out them things would be a thousand times more difficult. So as I reflect upon all that this past year has brought to our family and to my Sophia I am thankful for it all. The good and the bad. Yes, even the cancer because so much more good came out of it than bad. The Lord gives and He takes away and through it all we still glorify His name. He was with us before this, during, and He will definitely be there after cancer. So no matter what the outcome may be for Sophia's future she will always be a winner because with God there is no losing. This time next year, Lord willing, it'll all be over! I cant wait for Sophia to be a normal kid again. no Cancer, no doctors, no medication, no ER visits, no hospital stays, no more poking, and lastly she will finally be able to go everywhere she couldn't due to low counts. Looking forward to what Sophia's new year has to bring!
